John Reading spent nine years homeless in Brisbane and on the Gold Coast after his marriage broke down.
Losing it all
I just left everything — the house, the cars, the pool — but all of a sudden only seeing (the kids) for a few hours once a fortnight, that just wrecks you — crying on the train on the way home. I didn't care about anything: all the goals and dreams disappeared and I ended up on the street.
You're alienated and you don't know where to sleep, so you get drunk because it didn't matter where you sleep ... you're numb.
It was a bit exciting at first too: you're doing all this walking so you're keeping fit — it's all a bit of a laugh — but then you realise you're sinking into depression. The only thing you can do to face the day is to drink. You start drinking at seven o'clock in the morning and you just don't stop ... until you get sick.
These places (boarding houses) are very depressing. Everyone's down in the dumps, whether it be drugs, alcohol, broken relationships ... the atmosphere is horrid and the last thing you want to do is come back.
Jail
The gambling got really bad because you're doing anything to have a break from your situation so ... you start a life of crime just to feed your habit. It got real bad and I ended up going to jail for two years.
It actually was a bit of a blessing. I had a job and the facilities were better ... it was kind of like rehab. That's one way to look at it anyway, lots of bad things happened in there.
The first night I got out of there, I slept on a park bench opposite the casino in the (Brisbane) city. It was like you're back in the wrong crowd.
Sleeping rough
You move around from place to place and you're always running into trouble, different people blowing in. You start to lose your mind from the artificial substances. It's an atmosphere of violence and hatred and crime.
There's different types of Streeties. Ones that are just out for themselves, but there are some that are kind. You go your own way in the day, but at night you might share a meal together.
Someone in Brisbane said to me, "If you're living on the streets, why don't you go down to the Gold Coast and live on the streets".
I set up little squat (at the back of a community centre in Tugun) because it had BBQs, hot water — luxury! But because I wasn't carrying on, the lady who ran it would say, "Good morning, John" because I didn't leave a mess or try and break in.
You got lonely, especially when you're sober. At night, that's when it hits you. You're by yourself under one of those shelters and when it's raining. You're freezing and then you just think about all your mistakes and all the things that happened.
When you're on the street you get into a rut. You have no ambition or initiative, you can't get out of it after all those years ... you need someone to push you. I got some help from some of the employment agencies.
Finding home and family
I've been here five years now. When I first came in here (to this unit), I couldn't go in the bedroom and I couldn't be in the house, so I slept out on the balcony and I didn't use it for a month. I'm thinking, "someone's going to come and and tell me where to go, I don't belong here".
I miss the exercise ... because you're always walking when you're on the street. You have to be active otherwise you go insane.
It's like I've developed my character — empathy or wisdom. It's like half the surface crap has gone. Because you've hit rock bottom and your heart got ripped out. The only thing you can do is fill it up with good things.
I've got this nice place - you've got the facilities to look normal, you can have a good sleep... and you can read a good book and not get disturbed.
Plus, I was alienated from my family, that was terrible but ... I've reconnected with my sister Leah and that helped me.... yeah, they mean a lot to me because they're my family.
It's like God gave me one back.
