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If you’ve ever experienced the rejection of a child or other important relationship, then I’m sure you’ll find the observations presented in this article compelling.

Being on the receiving end of a rejection can be devastating.  Whether it’s a boss, a parent, or a relative, the pain can be very difficult to contend with. If it’s your child, you tend to feel particularly vulnerable.

Most parents, when rejected by a child, tend to think of everything they did wrong, or maybe that “one” thing they did wrong that could have caused the rift, playing over and over in their minds how they could have changed that “one” thing.

I have observed some common characteristics of people who are on the receiving end of parental alienation. These three main traits are:

1. They are available
2. They are guileless
3. They are powerless

Following is a discussion of each of these traits.

Available:  Children rarely reject unavailable or abusive parents. Usually when that happens it is not without a great amount of anguish and grieving. When a child alienates a parent, he/she does so with impudence. He/she experiences no sense of loss or regret. Instead, he/she feels relieved. Internally, the child knows he/she could have the rejected parent back at any time. This emboldens the child and helps him/her realize that there is no great risk in rejecting the available parent.

Guileless:  People who are guileless tend to be “innocent and without deception.”  Guileless individuals usually project their innocence onto others and don’t see why they are being rejected, because it is not something they, themselves would ever do to anyone.  Alienated parents are usually not interested in playing dirty or fighting unfair.

The rejecting child is usually psychologically manipulated by the other parent or other important person (who is willing to fight dirty) to reject the guileless parent. It is a form of propagandizing the child and is akin to the mob effect of bullying.

Powerless: The rejected parent has somehow demonstrated a feeling of low power to their rejecting child. The shrugging of the shoulders and the attitude of, “what can I do?” comes to mind. This parent has insinuated to their rejecting child that the child has the power, not the parent. This usually happens in narcissistic relationships where the other parent imputes power into the child, causing the child to believe that he has more power than the rejected parent.

Trump Card:  This nails the coffin on the relationship. It is not a characteristic of the rejected parent, but it is an essential ingredient in the alienation process.

This involves the occurrence of a flaw, mistake, or failure on the part of the alienated parent. This failure is capitalized on by the narcissist or other alienating other as evidence of the rejected parent’s inadequacy. The alienated parent usually “owns” his/her failure and everyone believes it is so egregious that that parent has lost his/her value in the parent-child relationship.

For my brother 

Who’s heart was kind,

A mischief and an active mind,

I always felt so proud of you, 

all throughout our lives, 

You’ve gone away so suddenly,

We couldn’t say goodbye.

And had I known it would end like this,

My loving brother and my friend,

I would have said this long ago,

My ‘List Too Late’ from one to ten…

One, let me say that I love you.

Two, let me say I’m sorry

Three, let me say I wish I was there

Four, let me show you I’m crying

Five, let me pretend this was all a surprise

Six, let me aplogize

Seven, For all of the things I couldn’t fix

Eight, It was an honour to watch you exist

Nine is goodbye.  My cherished memories of you.

Ten, is you live on in my heart, and all that I do.

I’ll miss you forever brother.

Many people find they can successfully limit or change their gambling through the use of change strategies. We have all used these types of strategies at some time in our lives, whether it be sticking to an exercise plan, or cutting back on gambling. 

These change strategies can be implemented without professional oversight, but it can be helpful to check in with a counsellor on the best ways to implement or maintain them.  You can speak to one of our counsellors about implementing these strategies today

Get started

It’s ideal to select at least 2-3 strategies at a time to work on. If you notice that the strategy is no longer working for you – swap it for a different one. 

You will know when it is working because you will have more money in your pocket, and can say that you are successfully limiting your gambling. 

So what’s the best strategy for you? 

Choose something that has worked for you in the past or that you think will work for you now.

Here are the top 20 strategies that people have found useful for limiting or changing their gambling:

• Really accept that gambling needs to change 
• Think about how your money could be better spent 
• Remind yourself of the negative consequences of gambling 
• Remind yourself of the positive consequences of not gambling 
• Make a resolution to change your gambling 
• Compare costs and benefits of continuing to gamble 
• Remind yourself that sometimes people win at gambling but the system is designed for you to lose 
• Engage in an activity that gives you a feeling of achievement 
• Calculate money and time spent gambling 
• Plan ahead and leave credit cards and non-essential cash at home 
• Engage in a new form of entertainment 
• Plan ahead and limit the amount of money you carry 
• Re-establish trust and belief in yourself 
• Complete daily activities around the house 
• Monitor how your emotions relate to gambling 
• Focus on eating a healthy balanced diet 
• Make a daily affirmation such as staying positive or letting go
• Identify inaccurate thoughts about gambling or winning 
• Engage in regular exercise
• Read first hand accounts of other people's experiences.

If you have already made a change you might also consider these tips:

• Focus on not gambling each day at a time 
• Concentrate on being strong or using will power 
• Remind yourself that you don't need to gamble 
• Keep busy to avoid thinking about or engaging in gambling 
• Distract yourself or do something else until the urge to gamble passes 
• Count the days since you've made a change in your gambling
• Engage in behaviours that are incompatible with attending a venue.

Keeping it going

Some people find it is helpful to set a time period for using the strategy such as over a month or two. This gives an inbuilt time to see how it’s going and gives you measurable targets to aim for.

Others also find it’s helpful to tell someone about their strategy and get a buddy to support them.

In the past week, I’ve read several studies that are scary to me… it’s the scary truth about what’s hurting our kids.   We all know that what our kids hear becomes their inner voice, but it’s hard to control what they hear from others, isn’t it?

CNN recently interviewed Dr. Jean Twenge, author of iGen and her interview worried me – because I saw the truth that I would be facing in just a few short years.   Dr. Twenge started doing research 25 years ago on generational differences, but when 2011 -2012 hit, she saw something that would scare her to the core.   This is the year when those having iPhones went over the 50% mark.

The results of that should scare all of us.

•This was the year that more kids started to say that they felt “sad, hopeless, useless… that they couldn’t do anything right (depression).”

•They felt left-out and lonely.

•There is a 50% increase in a clinical level depression between 2011-2015.

•A substantial increase in suicide rate.Before I give you any more, I want you to look at these graphs and look at how the information correlates to the iPhones being released.

They aren’t hanging out with friends  nearly as much.

They aren’t dating as much.

More likely to feel lonely.

They are getting less sleep.

She goes on to say that we are in the worst mental health crisis in decades.   

Why is this happening?  Why are kids more depressed because of electronics?

Think about when we were in school – we didn’t know every time that there was a get-together that we weren’t invited to and we didn’t see pictures of each outing, game, or party.

We didn’t care what we looked like when we were hanging out with friends, because we were  the only ones that were there- I can remember sitting around with my best friends in our sweatpants, just laughing – I didn’t wear makeup or care if I had my hair fixed just right, because the worry of a phone or camera wasn’t there.

Think about bullies.  When we left the school, we left them.   If teasing happened, it didn’t happen at home.  It didn’t happen so publicly.   Everyone couldn’t see it or know what they were teasing other kids about since they weren’t there.  Now, it’s all public knowledge, and anyone can join in or watch.   It’s horrifying.

I can’t imagine being a tween or teenager now.   Although- as the parents of children, we have to believe it, because we have to help our children navigate it.

According to Victoria Prooday, Occupational Therapist & writer at YourOT.com, “There is a silent tragedy developing right now, in our homes, and it concerns our most precious jewels – our children… Researchers have been releasing alarming statistics on a sharp and steady increase in kids’ mental illness, which is now reaching epidemic proportions:

•  1 in 5 children has mental health problems

•  43% increase in ADHD

• 37% increase in teen depression

• 200% increase in suicide rate in kids 10-14 years old

She goes on to say that “Today’s children are being deprived of the fundamentals of a healthy childhood:

•Emotionally available parents

•Clearly defined limits and guidance

•Responsibilities

•Balanced nutrition and adequate sleep

•Movement and outdoors

•Creative play, social interaction, opportunities for unstructured times and boredom

Instead, children are being served with:

•Digitally distracted parents

•Indulgent parents who let kids “Rule the world”

•Sense of entitlement rather than responsibility

•Inadequate sleep and unbalanced nutrition

•Sedentary indoor lifestyle

•Endless stimulation, technological babysitters, instant gratification, and absence of dull moments”

•How true… and how sad.

You can read the rest of her story at yourot.com

I couldn’t agree more.  According to TIME.com, “Despite the rise in teen depression, the study, which analysed data from the National Surveys on Drug Use and Health, reported that there wasn’t a corresponding increase in mental health treatment for adolescents and young adults. Researchers said this is an indication that there is a growing number of young people who are under-treated or not treated at all for their symptoms. ”

The article goes on to say that it’s not just teenagers, it’s young kids- in elementary school.  “Counsellors like Ellen Chance in Palm Beach say they see evidence that technology and online bullying are affecting kids’ mental health as young as fifth grade, particularly girls.

“I couldn’t tell you how many students are being malicious to each other over Instagram. “I’ve had cases where girls don’t to come to school, and they are cutting themselves and becoming severely depressed because they feel outcasted and targeted.” She says she now sees cutting incidents pretty much weekly at her elementary school, and while they vary in severity, it’s a signal that not all is right.”

What can we do about it?

– The AAP now suggest screening all children for depression starting at age 11.

-Get back to what we did before phones (back to what our parents did when we were young)… spend time playing games with our kids.

-Spend dinnertime talking.

-Drop everything that you are doing when your kids get home from school to TALK to them.

-Make dinner without having the TV on, the phone close by, or the tablet tuned into something.

-Use any ‘car time’ to talk to our kids (maybe even by not allowing electronics in the car)

-Have your kids do chores: Responsibilities increase their self-worth.   Example: if you don’t set the table, we can’t eat.  If you don’t wash your clothes, you will have nothing to wear tomorrow:

“To develop a high self-esteem a person needs a purpose. A key component to high self-esteem relies on how you view yourself regarding contribution. In other words, in the child development process, chores are a big role in a kid’s self-esteem.” 

-Be sure that your child is getting enough sleep.   This is a substantial contributing factor.  

-Don’t keep a lot of junk food in the house.  Limit junk food & replace it with fruits & vegetables.  If your child is picky, they can certainly find a fruit or vegetable that they like.  (I’ve taught our kids to make smoothies, too, but they have to clean up after themselves, or they lose the privilege of using the blender… they LOVE to make them, so this is a consequence that they will not want to be placed on them).

–Take away electronics and tell your kids to “go play!”   Don’t feel the need to always play with them.  My job, as a play therapist, is to teach parents how to play with their kids to help them, so while I always think that playing with your kids is a good idea, but I also want them to play alone.  I want them to learn how to keep themselves entertained.

From the time that our kids were tiny, I gave them time to entertain themselves, and now they are are all good about finding ways to keep themselves busy (drawing, playing, building, etc..)

– Don’t rescue your kids.   Here’s a recent example that happened in our house:

I’ve started having our kids pack their lunches (with my supervision), but yesterday one of our sons decided to wait.. .and wait… and wait.  When it was down to 10 minutes before leaving, he asked me to pack it.  I said no, and he then asked for lunch money.  I said, “I think it’s upstairs in your piggy bank if you have some in there.” His face said it all.   I wasn’t going to buy him out of this.  It was his responsibility.

IT is NEVER easy to teach our kids these lessons, but they serve our kids well.   He quickly made himself lunch and was on his way.   He learned a valuable life lesson about preparing himself for the day.

-Talk to your kids about why they need to come to you if something is wrong.  I talk to our kids about all of this, and they know that I would do anything to help them.   I say it daily… “If you are ever feeling sad or left out about something and it becomes too big for you to handle easily, come to me.”

Yes, it’s a lot to tell them, but it is the truth.  I need them to know it.  It’s not a joking matter, and it’s not one to take lightly. Talk to your kids TODAY.

Make a rule with yourself that you will limit YOUR online distractions when your kids are home. Set a time that you can put electronics away… for example: Make 3:30-9:00 a no-tech time for you, the parent.   (or whatever hours your kids are home). It will not only benefit your kids, but it will help you, too.

Yes, it’s the scary truth about what’s hurting our kids, but we have the power to help.

Eleven dollars and sixty cents.  That was all.  And most of that was in coins.  This is all that remains in a young dad’s pocket as he contemplates the past year.  A year that, to him, seemed full of let downs and failures.  His battles with homelessness, unemployment, past trauma, and heartache all paled in comparison to the fact that he was unable to care for his young daughter, and indeed, unable to buy her a single gift for Christmas. 

This time of year brings with it some very strong emotions for everyone.  For some, it is the excitement on a child’s face as they open their presents, or delicious food lovingly prepared and shared with family and friends.  For others, however, it can be one of the most distressful and lonely times of the year.  As the calendar ticks over to count down another year, we are inclined to look back and assess the highs and lows of the past 12 months.  This can be an opportunity to reflect and realise just how far we’ve come, but it can also be a time of deep regret and sadness, knowing all too well the feeling of despair that comes with the perception that nothing ever seems to get better. 

It is for these people that services like ours are called upon to help, not only with the day to day work that we do with our clients, but also to go a step further with our compassion and generosity.  Mackillop, in this regard, is much more than just the sum of its parts. We, as an organisation, as a community, rally together to fundraise gifts, toys, food hampers, and social outings.  Undoubtedly, with all the chaos involved in the coordination and logistics required to make this happen, it is easy to forget just how much these things mean to our people.

I was recently reminded…

As I hand the brightly wrapped presents to the young man to give to his daughter, a remarkable change comes over him.  His eyes brighten, his posture straightens, his head lifts.  There is a pride and a presence in this small victory.  When the little girl sees her dad, she runs at full speed towards him oblivious to the loot in the bag he’s holding.  The only thing she sees is Daddy.  After a long embrace, he smiles as he hands her the bag of gifts.  “Look what I’ve got for you sweetie…”.  In this moment, all of his feelings of inadequacy wash away as his daughter’s little face beams with excitement.  She smiles with the pride of a daughter who knows that she’s special.  Who knows she’s loved.  As my client turns his gaze to me, with his little girl held tightly in his arms, he gives a look of gratitude that was not meant for me, but for us all.  

Who are you to judge what they do with that cash?

Give your cash directly and unconditionally to homeless people.

Don’t just buy them a sandwich. They’re not four. They have the right to spend their money as they choose – and it is their money, once given. Don’t just give to people performing, singing, or accompanied by a cute dog. Buskers deserve a wage too, of course. But homeless people are not your dancing monkey and they shouldn’t have to perform to earn your pity.

Don’t second-guess whether people are “really” homeless. Those who think begging is a shortcut to easy money should try humiliating themselves daily in front of thousands of total strangers who won’t even look at them or acknowledge their existence. It is gruelling, soul-destroying work. If people are desperate enough to beg, they need it.

Don’t just give to people who ask you directly, but to the guy with his head in his hands and a Styrofoam cup on the ground in front of him. Give to the woman who’s blind drunk. Give to the guy with meth-rotted teeth. Give to the spice addict who can’t look you in the eye.

Many street beggars are addicts, yes. Do addicts not deserve food? Wouldn’t you want to drink if you were in their position? Don’t you get drunk every weekend to cope with work stress anyway? Who are you to tell them what to do with their bodies?

As the founder of User Voice, a charity led and staffed by former homeless addicts, says: “If your money funds the final hit, accept that the person would rather be dead. If your act of kindness makes him wake up the next morning and decide to change his life, that’s nice but not your business either.”

Of course, it is true that your drinking habit and theirs are fundamentally different. Addiction is rooted in material circumstance – alcohol is the obvious example, but think how many skiing accidents end in courses of opiates far stronger than anything you’d find on the street without any long-term compulsion developing. It can only be tackled by raising people out of poverty, and a brute-force severing of cash flow is not going to starve people into seeking help from authorities they know will not, or cannot, help them.

Yet this abject morality, which says we must push people to rock bottom before we are able to help them, is seized on by austerity governments always greedy to do less. In fact, studies show begging emerges in the “middle-late stages” of homelessness, once people have already exhausted other options. The rock bottom has already been reached.

Eighty per cent of homeless people in the UK experienced no support or advice the last time they were moved on by police or council workers. When the government claims that most people begging on the street are refusing better help, what they mean is the help on offer is not adequate.

Homeless people need free, state-provided housing and fully-funded psychological care. What they get is £538m annual cuts to mental health services and austerity measures driving them into arrears with private landlords and on to the street.

The average life expectancy of a homeless man in London is 47. For women, it is 43. This is lower than the general life expectancy of any nation on the planet. These lives will be improved by systemic, not loose, change. 

In the absence of an adequate government response, charitable giving and hostels remain lifesavers to many thousands of people. But big homelessness charities are already receiving millions yearly, while those deemed impossible to help die outside. When I speak to rough sleepers, it is local communities, squatters and grassroots organisations like the London-wide Streets Kitchen which they credit with keeping them alive.

“There is no need to beg on the streets in 2017,” leading London homelessness charity Thames Reach claims. “Hostel rent is covered through Housing Benefit [and] it is an urban myth that if you have no address, you cannot claim benefits.”

The charity, which is primarily funded by the government, makes no mention of the many gatekeeping barriers vulnerable people must cross to secure benefits and a stable hostel place.

Most damningly, they do not mention the fact that the foreign nationals who make up over half of London’s rough-sleeping population cannot claim benefits to access the hostel network at all. Rather, Thames Reach and other top charities shop homeless foreigners to the Home Office to be deported.

It is those same government-funded charities that push the narrative that “kindness kills” as they tout for your donations. Do not believe them. Apathy and austerity kill. Your kindness saves lives.

The Addison Hotel will get young people off the streets and into safe accommodation. 

Using an empty building to house the homeless ... it is a pretty obvious idea but one that has never taken off in Australia.

For the first time, a vacant hotel just out of the Sydney CBD has opened its doors to young people who do not have a roof over their head.

The Addison Hotel in Kensington was destined to lie dormant for the next year while a development plan awaits approval, but the building owner saw an opportunity to accommodate those on the street.

The hotel will be a place of refuge for people needing crisis accommodation or just a safe place to live and study while they stabilise their circumstances.

Building owner TOGA is providing the 42 fully-furnished rooms, each with their own bathroom and kitchenette, revenue free and hopes other property owners follow suit.

PHOTO: The idea was brought to life by My Foundations CEO Rebecca Mullins and TOGA managing director Allan Vidor.

Managing director Allan Vidor said there were many empty buildings across Sydney that could be immediately available to the homeless.

"We had this empty building sitting here and we thought there has got to be something we can do with it that will create some good," he said.

"No single level of government or service can tackle youth homelessness — innovative solutions must be borne from innovative collaborations between public and private sectors.   "Everyone deserves the opportunity to have housing."

A one-stop shop

As well as a place to call home, those staying will have their best chance to get back on their feet with free access to food, clothes and laundry facilities.

A 'take what you need, pay what you can' supermarket run by OzHarvest has been set up in the lobby and will only stock rescued food.

A clothing rescue service, Thread Together, has also opened next to the hotel and provides brand new clothing to those doing it tough.

Orange Sky Laundry, the world's first mobile laundry service, will visit The Addison once a week to offer its free services.

It is an all-encompassing set up which is aimed at restoring dignity to young people who are faced with issues such as unemployment, family breakdown and mental illness.

Critics have raised concerns putting young people together in a facility is a big risk with anti-social behaviour likely, however those behind The Addison Project actually believe the opposite.

"We don't share the view that it's a risk," said Rebecca Mullins, chief executive of My Foundations Youth Housing, who are managing the accommodation.

"We believe young people together are able to support each other and understand what they are going through."

Professor David MacKenzie, researcher on homelessness with Swinburne University, said the negative stereotype that youth would cause trouble needed to be quashed.

"I have a lot more faith in young people," he said. "They can do a lot more positive things than negative."

Social housing allocated to very few youth

Forty-three per cent of Australia's homeless population is under 25 years old, and in New South Wales, young people hold less than 2 per cent of the 140,000 social housing tenancies.

Many have their access to education and training cut off and one in six are on their own.

Professor MacKenzie said 'pop-up' shelter idea was innovative and important.

"We need early intervention and rapid rehousing ... we don't actually have a youth housing sector housing in Australia," he said.

"We shouldn't have homelessness in Australia, not in a country like this."

When a young person becomes homeless it costs $15,000 per person per year in health and justice services, he said.

So far, 56 household groups, either singles or women with children, have come through The Addison and have been provided with 511 nights of accommodation since opening at the end of January.

Family and Community Services (FACS) has control over 14 of the rooms for emergency accommodation for up to 28 days, and the remaining 28 rooms are affordable transitional accommodation and $150 a week.

Plans for a $36 million “exotic and native animal conservation” at Western Sydney's Bungarribee Park have been approved, according to The Daily Telegraph. 

The development will be built on over 16 hectares of land overlooking the park, which will feature over 30 exhibitions. Set to open in 2018, the zoo is expected to bring in around 745,00 visitors each year, injecting an estimated $45 million into the NSW economy.

Cage-Free Zoo

So, what can you expect? There will be African safari animals on display, as well as an Aboriginal and natural heritage program, focusing on the local Darug people, which the zoo's managing director Jake Burgess claimed would be unlike any other program in other Aussie zoos. He also said that the zoo would promote natural animal behaviours and welfare: “This will promote awareness and an affinity with animals, improving our educational outcomes and increasing the willingness of people to value and protect them.”

The zoo will reportedly be "cage-free", with elevated walkways allowing viewing access to exotic animals, underwater glass viewing areas revealing hippos, crocs and the like and fences being exchanged for "enclosure devices concealed in the landscape elements", according to Pedestrian. 

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Congratulations to this months winner of our Most Active User Award. Redlocks was outstanding in the contributions he made to The Microphone, and will now get to enjoy two premium LUX Movie passes at Hoyts. At select HOYTS locations, each seat features a powered recliner and boasts extra leg room, wider seating and extra comfort, so you can sit back, relax and recline while enjoying the latest blockbusters. The addition of the HOYTS recliner is a huge leap forward in cinema seating, created for ultimate comfort and quality. It’s all about finding new ways for you to Experience More with HOYTS. Enjoy mate.

Here are some of the monthly prizes from our generous sponsors. These are our gracious sponsors that will be rewarding the overall winners of our User Activity Award with an amazing prize personal to them. Want to know specifically what the prizes are? See our prize list for each month and then head on in to their respective websites or social media and, let them know we appreciate their support and give them a high five! 

About four years ago, I had flat-out hit rock bottom—emotionally, financially, mentally, and spiritually. The crash was painful in every way, and I finally had no choice but to face myself brutally, painfully, and honestly.

Years later, I look back with immense gratitude for the incredible gifts that time bestowed upon me. It instilled in me a deep trust that the universe actually did have my back, contrary to external appearances and bank balances.

You might think I’m crazy for saying this, but I’d do it all again, in a heartbeat, for the incredible insights and growth I gained through what were most definitely my darkest hours.

But like any good adventure, it’s only worthwhile if you come back having learned some solid lessons and with wisdom to share from having survived the fall. And so, with twenty-twenty hindsight, here are my top 12 reasons why everyone should aim to hit rock bottom at least once in their lifetime: 

1. At the bottom, you realise just how far off course you were, and that your life choices were simply not sustainable. It’s in those dark moments of despair that your anger and frustration become so great and you declare once and for all to never again accept such mediocrity from yourself or from others.
   
2. At the bottom, all your dysfunctional behaviours are finally revealed. If you never hit your lowest point, the dysfunctions continue to go unnoticed and unchecked, playing out under the denial radar and inevitably creating bigger dysfunctions and a harder fall down the track. Until the bubble bursts, you cleverly delude yourself into thinking everything is juuuuust great—and your life ends up being built on a big, fat lie and a false foundation.
   
3. Hitting rock bottom is the beginning of questioning everythingthat you’ve ever thought to be true. You question your motives, other people’s motives, your beliefs, your fears, why you did things, why you didn’t do things, why you attracted certain people and circumstances, why you succeeded, why you failed. The very fabric of your life is turned upside down and examined in raw detail. It’s from this point that you build again, from the ground up, with a fresh perspective based on your renewed sense of clarity.
   
4. At the bottom, your disempowering patterns and behaviours become glaringly obvious, and the triggers that kept you repeating those behaviour patterns come into sharp focus. You realise that hitting rock bottom was not only inevitable, but necessary, because those behaviours were simply not conducive to your growth. On top of that, and perhaps most importantly, all the roles you’d been playing pop into your conscious awareness. It becomes clear that you’ve been a kind of puppet, playing the same role over and over, creating the same dynamics over and over, and keeping the drama going over and over, like a well-paid actor in a soap opera. It’s not until you break the mould and start the journey back to your true self that you stop playing those old, scratched records and begin to create new conscious outcomes.
   
5. You realise at the bottom that you were, in fact, not where you thought you were in life. You let your ego run the show with grandiose ideas about what you could do—not knowing you didn’t yet have the foundation to successfully accomplish those things. Ego’s death grip loosens when you come to this realisation; you start to trust life and choose to live in the moment more often. As you surrender to your higher self more and more, you align with your right purpose and right life path. And it feels good.
   
6. You gain humility. You see that life is not black and white and that you don’t know everything. In fact, you realise you know very little, and you decide to become a student of life rather than a juror.
   
7. You gain compassion. You understand what it’s like for people in the depths of despair, shame, guilt, and fear. You can’t help but come back from the bottom feeling immense empathy with the human condition.
   
8. You’re able to let go of everything because nothing is working anyway! Letting go of the old creates space for the new and soon new ideas, people, opportunities, talents and gifts start to flood into your experience. As you empty your cup, so to speak, you fill it back up with stuff that you actually want, instead of accepting what was unconsciously passed onto you. Life hands you a fresh cup of reality.
   
9. After you’ve hit the bricks, you—perhaps for the first time—begin to accept full responsibility for all the outcomes in your life. You see that blaming is futile, that complaining is dumb, and that making excuses is for the unenlightened. You realise it was youwho created all the good and all the bad in your life. You dug the holein which you’re trapped, and only you can dig yourself out of it in order to finally become whole.
   
10. The good news is, once you’ve hit rock bottom, you know you can’t possibly go any lower. You realise the bottom is actually a great springboard from which to push yourself up to the surface—away from the darkness and back into the light.
    
11. Hitting rock bottom wakes you up to how you were relying on externals to make you happy. Instead of needing outside validation, you begin to trust yourself and start the journey within to find your own sense of self, your own sense of purpose, and your own validation. This new inner sanctuary becomes the foundation for your happy and meaningful new life.
    
12. And finally, after hitting your lowest point, you become enormously grateful for all that you have from that time forward. You’re sure that your situation can only get better from here, and it does. Simple things—a smile from a stranger, fresh food in the fridge, warm clothes on your body, a comfy bed, your good health—become things to treasure. Your existence is a constant prayer of gratitude to the universe and to yourself for having the courage to move beyond hard times and choose life, when you could have chosen a number of other options just to make the pain go away.

The gems mined in your darkest moments are what give you depth, courage, wisdom, and richness that can’t be learned elsewhere. Your ability to fly is in direct proportion to your willingness and courage to face your version of rock bottom. If you’ve ever been there and bounced back to tell the story, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

If you’re currently sitting on rock bottom and still chafing your behind, you’re probably cursing this post. But as someone who’s been there, done that, and got the T-shirt, I can tell you that in years to come, you’ll appreciate the experience (and the chafing) as the best thing that ever happened to you.

Only once you are willing to explore your darkest depths can you truly be of service in the world. Only when the old foundations crumble can you begin to build again on new and solid ground.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising a five tier model of human needs, often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid.

Maslow (1943, 1954) stated that people are motivated to achieve certain needs and that some needs take precedence over others. Our most basic need is for physical survival, and this will be the first thing that motivates our behaviour. Once that level is fulfilled the next level up is what motivates us, and so on.

This five stage model can be divided into deficiency needs and growth needs. The first four levels are often refered to as deficiency needs, and the top level is known as growth or being needs.

The deficiency needs are said to motivate people when they are unmet. Also, the need to fulfil such needs will become stronger the longer the duration they are denied. For example, the longer a person goes without food, the more hungry they will become.

One must satisfy lower level deficit needs before progressing on to meet higher level growth needs. When a deficit need has been satisfied it will go away, and our activities become habitually directed towards meeting the next set of needs that we have yet to satisfy. These then become our salient needs. 

However growth needs continue to be felt and may even become stronger once they have been engaged. Once these growth needs have been reasonably satisfied, one may be able to reach the highest level called self-actualization.

Every person is capable and has the desire to move up the hierarchy toward a level of self-actualization. Unfortunately, progress is often disrupted by a failure to meet lower level needs. Life experiences including divorce and loss of a job may cause an individual to fluctuate between levels of the hierarchy.

Therefore not everyone will move through the hieracy in a uni-directional manner but may move back and forth between the different types of needs.

Maslow noted only one in a hundred people become fully self-actualized because our society rewards motivation primarily based on esteem, love and other social needs.

Maslow's original five-stage model

1. Biological and Physiological needs - air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep.

Safety needs - protection from elements, security, order, law, limits, stability, freedom from fear.

3. Love and belongingness needs - friendship, intimacy, trust and acceptance, receiving and giving affection and love. Affiliating, being part of a group (family, friends, work).

4. Esteem needs - achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, self-respect, respect from others.

5. Self-Actualization needs - realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.

Maslow posited that human needs are arranged in a hierarchy:

'It is quite true that man lives by bread alone — when there is no bread. But what happens to man’s desires when there is plenty of bread and when his belly is chronically filled? 

At once other (and “higher”) needs emerge and these, rather than physiological hungers, dominate the organism. And when these in turn are satisfied, again new (and still “higher”) needs emerge and so on. 

This is what we mean by saying that the basic human needs are organized into a hierarchy of relative prepotency' (Maslow, 1943, p. 375).

The expanded hierarchy of needs

It is important to note that Maslow's (1943, 1954) five stage model has been expanded to include cognitive and aesthetic needs (Maslow, 1970a) and later transcendence needs (Maslow, 1970b).

Changes to the original five-stage model are highlighted and include a seven-stage model and a eight-stage model, both developed during the 1960's and 1970s.

1. Biological and Physiological needs - air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc.

2. Safety needs - protection from elements, security, order, law, limits, stability, etc.

3. Love and belongingness needs - friendship, intimacy, trust and acceptance, receiving and giving affection and love. Affiliating, being part of a group (family, friends, work).

4. Esteem needs - self-esteem, achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, managerial responsibility, etc.

5. Cognitive needs - knowledge and understanding, curiosity, exploration, need for meaning and predictability.

6. Aesthetic needs - appreciation and search for beauty, balance, form, etc.

7. Self-Actualization needs - realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.

8. Transcendence needs - helping others to achieve self actualization. 

Expanded Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, Human Needs, Self Actualization, Humanistic Psychology

Self-actualization

Instead of focusing on psychopathology and what goes wrong with people, Maslow (1943) formulated a more positive account of human behavior which focused on what goes right. He was interested in human potential, and how we fulfill that potential. 

Psychologist Abraham Maslow (1943, 1954) stated that human motivation is based on people seeking fulfillment and change through personal growth. Self-actualized people are those who were fulfilled and doing all they were capable of. 

The growth of self-actualization (Maslow, 1962) refers to the need for personal growth and discovery that is present throughout a person’s life. For Maslow, a person is always “becoming” and never remains static in these terms.  In self-actualization a person comes to find a meaning to life that is important to them. 

As each individual is unique the motivation for self-actualization leads people in different directions (Kenrick et al., 2010). For some people self-actualization can be achieved through creating works of art or literature, for others through sport, in the classroom, or within a corporate setting.

Maslow (1962) believed self-actualization could be measured through the concept of peak experiences. This occurs when a person experiences the world totally for what it is, and there are feelings of euphoria, joy and wonder.

It is important to note that self-actualization is a continual process of becoming rather than a perfect state one reaches of a 'happy ever after' (Hoffman, 1988).

Maslow offers the following description of self-actualization:

'It refers to the person’s desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially.

The specific form that these needs will take will of course vary greatly from person to person.

In one individual it may take the form of the desire to be an ideal mother, in another it may be expressed athletically, and in still another it may be expressed in painting pictures or in inventions' (Maslow, 1943, p. 382–383).

Although we are all, theoretically, capable of self-actualizing, most of us will not do so, or only to a limited degree. Maslow (1970) estimated that only two percent of people would reach the state of self-actualization. He was especially interested in the characteristics of people whom he considered to have achieved their potential as individuals.

By studying 18 people he considered to be self-actualized (including Abraham Lincoln and Albert Einstein) Maslow (1970) identified 15 characteristics of a self-actualized person.  

Characteristics of self-actualizers:

1. They perceive reality efficiently and can tolerate uncertainty;
2. Accept themselves and others for what they are;
3. Spontaneous in thought and action;
4. Problem-centered (not self-centered);
5. Unusual sense of humor;
6. Able to look at life objectively;
7. Highly creative;
8. Resistant to enculturation, but not purposely unconventional;
9. Concerned for the welfare of humanity;
10. Capable of deep appreciation of basic life-experience;
11. Establish deep satisfying interpersonal relationships with a few people;
12. Peak experiences;
13. Need for privacy;
14. Democratic attitudes;
15. Strong moral/ethical standards.

Behavior leading to self-actualization:

(a) Experiencing life like a child, with full absorption and concentration;

(b) Trying new things instead of sticking to safe paths;

(c) Listening to your own feelings in evaluating experiences instead of the voice of tradition, authority or the majority;

(d) Avoiding pretense ('game playing') and being honest;

(e) Being prepared to be unpopular if your views do not coincide with those of the majority;

(f) Taking responsibility and working hard;

(g) Trying to identify your defenses and having the courage to give them up.

The characteristics of self-actualizers and the behaviors leading to self-actualization are shown in the list above. Although people achieve self-actualization in their own unique way, they tend to share certain characteristics. 

However, self-actualization is a matter of degree, 'There are no perfect human beings' (Maslow,1970a, p. 176). It is not necessary to display all 15 characteristics to become self-actualized, and not only self-actualized people will display them.  

Maslow did not equate self-actualization with perfection. Self-actualization merely involves achieving one's potential. Thus someone can be silly, wasteful, vain and impolite, and still self-actualize.  Less than two percent of the population achieve self-actualization.

Maslow's (1968) hierarchy of needs theory has made a major contribution to teaching and classroom management in schools. 

Rather than reducing behavior to a response in the environment, Maslow (1970a) adopts a holistic approach to education and learning. Maslow looks at the complete physical, emotional, social, and intellectual qualities of an individual and how they impact on learning. 

Applications of Maslow's hierarchy theory to the work of the classroom teacher are obvious. Before a student's cognitive needs can be met they must first fulfil their basic physiological needs.

For example a tired and hungry student will find it difficult to focus on learning. Students need to feel emotionally and physically safe and accepted within the classroom to progress and reach their full potential.

Maslow suggests students must be shown that they are valued and respected in the classroom and the teacher should create a supportive environment. Students with a low self-esteem will not progress academically at an optimum rate until their self-esteem is strengthened.

Critical evaluation 

The most significant limitation of Maslow's theory concerns his methodology. Maslow formulated the characteristics of self-actualized individuals from undertaking a qualitative method called biographical analysis. 

He looked at the biographies and writings of 18 people he identified as being self-actualized.  From these sources he developed a list of qualities that seemed characteristic of this specific group of people, as opposed to humanity in general. 

From a scientific perspective there are numerous problems with this particular approach.  First, it could be argued that biographical analysis as a method is extremely subjective as it is based entirely on the opinion of the researcher. Personal opinion is always prone to bias, which reduces the validity of any data obtained. Therefore Maslow's operational definition of self-actualization must not be blindly accepted as scientific fact.

Furthermore, Maslow's biographical analysis focused on a biased sample of self-actualized individuals, prominently limited to highly educated white males (such as Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, William James, Aldous Huxley, Gandhi, Beethoven).

Although Maslow (1970) did study self-actualized females, such as Eleanor Roosevelt and Mother Teresa, they comprised a small proportion of his sample. This makes it difficult to generalize his theory to females and individuals from lower social classes or different ethnicity. Thus questioning the population validity of Maslow's findings. 

Furthermore, it is extremely difficult to empirically test Maslow's concept of self-actualization in a way that causal relationships can be established.  

Another criticism concerns Maslow's assumption that the lower needs must be satisfied before a person can achieve their potential and self-actualize.  This is not always the case, and therefore Maslow's hierarchy of needs in some aspects has been falsified. 

Through examining cultures in which large numbers of people live in poverty (such as India) it is clear that people are still capable of higher order needs such as love and belongingness. However, this should not occur, as according to Maslow, people who have difficulty achieving very basic physiological needs (such as food, shelter etc.) are not capable of meeting higher growth needs.

Also, many creative people, such as authors and artists (e.g. Rembrandt and Van Gogh) lived in poverty throughout their lifetime, yet it could be argued that they achieved self-actualization.

Psychologists now conceptualize motivation as a pluralistic behavior, whereby needs can operate on many levels simultaneously. A person may be motivated by higher growth needs at the same time as lower level deficiency needs. 

Contemporary research by Tay & Diener (2011) has tested Maslow’s theory by analyzing the data of 60,865 participants from 123 countries, representing every major region of the world. The survey was conducted from 2005 to 2010.

Respondents answered questions about six needs that closely resemble those in Maslow's model: basic needs (food, shelter); safety; social needs (love, support); respect; mastery; and autonomy. 

They also rated their well-being across three discrete measures: life evaluation (a person's view of his or her life as a whole), positive feelings (day-to-day instances of joy or pleasure), and negative feelings (everyday experiences of sorrow, anger, or stress). 

The results of the study support the view that universal human needs appear to exist regardless of cultural differences. However, the ordering of the needs within the hierarchy was not correct. 

"Although the most basic needs might get the most attention when you don't have them," Diener explains, "you don't need to fulfill them in order to get benefits [from the others]." 

Even when we are hungry, for instance, we can be happy with our friends. "They're like vitamins," Diener says about how the needs work independently. "We need them all."

References

Hoffman, E. (1988). The right to be human: A biography of Abraham Maslow. Jeremy P. Tarcher, Inc.

Kenrick, D. T., Neuberg, S. L., Griskevicius, V., Becker, D. V., & Schaller, M. (2010). Goal-Driven Cognition and Functional Behavior The Fundamental-Motives Framework. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 19(1), 63-67.

Maslow, A. H. (1943). A Theory of Human Motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370-96.

Maslow, A. H. (1954). Motivation and Personality. New York: Harper and Row.

Maslow, A. H. (1962). Towards a Psychology of Being. Princeton: D. Van Nostrand Company.

Maslow, A. H. (1968). Toward a Psychology of Being. New York: D. Van Nostrand Company.

Maslow, A. H. (1970a). Motivation and Personality. New York: Harper & Row.

Maslow, A. H. (1970b). Religions, values, and peak experiences. New York: Penguin. (Original work published 1964)

Tay, L., & Diener, E. (2011). Needs and subjective well-being around the world. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 101(2), 354.

How to cite this article:

McLeod, S. A. (2016). Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Retrieved from www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

Depression is a very serious mental illness that often goes unnoticed for years. People with concealed depression are battling demons within themselves all on their own. They are not sharing their struggles and do not want to burden those around them.

You see, for most people wounds are not something we are open about. We tend to bottle things up and attempt to remedy them on our own. If you are reading this then you must know someone who you feel you need to better understand or you relate to this yourself. The following 15 habits are some of the most common I have noticed in people dealing with concealed depression.

1. The are often quite talented and very expressive.

Alot of famous people have suffered from mental illnesses, and this suffering gives them deeper emotions. If you really think about it, this is in some form a source to their greatness. While we cannot always see it, their struggles are often reflected in their works. These people are able to bring something beautiful out of the darkness that consumes them.

2. They tend to search for purpose.

We all need a purpose in this life. We want to be sure that we are in some form doing meaningful things. People suffering from hidden depression are not exempt from this. They too want to know the reason for their existence. They are much more susceptible to feeling things like inadequacy and anxiety which leaves them searching for something they can never seem to achieve in their own minds.

3. Sometimes they make muted cries for help.

Sometimes we all need help. When we are not expecting someone to feel weak or to be down in the dumps, we don’t see their cries for help. However, if you notice their cries and can help them in any way, you are creating a very close and trust filled bond with them.

4. They interpret substances differently.

Someone who is dealing with depression usually knows what it is they can take to ease their pain in a sense. They know that caffeine and sugar will raise their mood and that some medicines can help them. They actually have to put a lot of effort into feeling better, unlike most people. It is not as simple as taking a Tylenol when you have a headache.

5. They often have a very involved perception of life and death.

People suffering from depression often face their own mortality in moments of despair and seek answers to life’s deepest questions. They tend to shift from one terrible mindset into another. Sure, not all depressed people deal with suicidal thoughts, but some do.

6. They have strange eating habits.

People with depression may not be able to eat much or at all when they are at their worst. That being said some of them may eat more when at their worst. It varies from person to person.

7. They have abnormal sleeping habits.

People with depression will often sleep for what seems like or may literally be days. Sleep at times can be impossible while other times could be the only thing left that the person can do. When a person is depressed they are dealing with a state of helplessness that will rock their world.

8. They have abandonment issues usually.

If you have dealt with abandonment then you know how terrible it can be. When someone walks out of your life it can be a devastating, but this impacts those with depression much more than other people. It causes them to be more and more secretive about their feelings and creates a fear within them of being abandoned by their loved ones.

9. They are professionals at coming up with ‘cover-up’ stories.

They are able to come up with believable elaborate excuses for the things they are going through. Like if they skip an appointment or don’t return your calls for days. They can easily change the subject when things like this come up and turn the attention away from their pain.

10. They might have habitual remedies.

There are several different lifestyle changes a person can make as an attempt to ease their minds. For instance, these people may do things like exercise, listen to music, go walking, and so forth.

11. They are aways making efforts to seem happy.

People suffering from depression learn to fake moods. They will often come off as happy and normal on the outside. When they let their inner struggles appear on the outside they feel as if they are bringing others down.

12. They seek love and acceptance.

People with hidden depression are not hiding their depression because they want to be dishonest, they are just working to protect their hearts. These people want to be loved and accepted just like everyone else.

13. They have trouble shutting off their brains.

These people process everything going on in their lives at a fast speed. They over analyze the good and the bad making everything impact them much deeper. Their brains are like sponges absorbing everything that comes their way.

14. They hurt when other people hurt.

When other people are suffering it brings them down to their worst points. This sort of thing often triggers their emotional pain and can be crippling.

15. They always think of the worst-case scenarios.

While this is very stressful it can be beneficial from time to time. A high intelligence seems to be linked with depression, and they are able to respond to anything that comes their way. This makes them good problem solvers for the most part.

If you or someone you care about is suffering from concealed depression either get help or offer a helping hand. Fighting this alone is not easy or productive. The world can be a wonderful place if you get the help you need nothing can stand in your way. You are not a burden to others and the people who love and care about you want to help you, let them.

If you, or someone you know need help, call LIFELINE: 13 11 14

1. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.   
2. Never cancel by text message.
3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.
4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
5. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.
6. Always use “we” when referring to your home team or your government.
7. Don't underestimate kicks in a game of footy.
8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
9. Don’t dumb it down.
10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.
11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.
12. Never park in front of a bar.
13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
14. Hold your heroes to a high standard.
15. Never lie to your doctor.
16. All guns are loaded.
17. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.
18. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.
19. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good it is.
20. A handshake beats an autograph.
21. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.
22. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.
23. Never get your haircut the day of a special event.
24. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.
25. Eat lunch with the new kids.
26. When traveling, keep your wits about you.
27. It’s never too late for an apology.
28. Don’t pose with booze.
29. If you have right of way, TAKE IT.
30. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.
31. Never push someone off a dock.
32. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she is pregnant.
33. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry, live up to it.
34. Don’t make a scene.
35. Know when to ignore the camera.
36. Never gloat.
37. Make time for your mom on your birthday, It’s her special day too.
38. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.
39. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.
40. Give credit. Take Blame.
41. Suck it up every now and again.
42. Never be the last one in the pool.
43. Don’t stare.
44. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.
45. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
46. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.
47. Admit it when you’re wrong.
48. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.
49. Look people in the eye when you thank them.
50. Thank the bus driver.
51. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
52. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
53. Know at least one good joke.
54. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.
55. Know how to cook one good meal.
56. Learn to drive a stick shift.
57. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.
58. Dance with your mother/father.
59. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at school and work.
60. Always thank the host.
61. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.
62. Know the size of your boyfriend/girlfriend's clothes.
63. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.
64. Be a good listener. Don’t just take your turn to talk.
65. Keep your word.
66. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for 9 months.
67. Don’t be the talker in a movie.
68. The opposite sex likes people who shower.
69. You are what you do. Not what you say.
70. Learn to change a tire.
71. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.
72. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.
73. Don’t litter.
74. You won’t always be the strongest of fastest. But you can be the toughest.
75. Never call someone before or after 9 AM and 9PM.
76. Make the little things count.
77. You’re never too old to need your mom.
78. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.
79. Smile at strangers.
80. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter or JOIN THE MICROPHONE!

1. Any friendship that was born in the period between 16 and 28 years of age is more likely to be robust and long lasting.
2. Women generally prefer men with deep husky voices because they seem more confident and not aggressive.
3. The people who give the best advice are usually the ones with the most problems.
4. The smarter the person is, the faster he thinks, and the sloppier his handwriting is.
5. Our emotions don’t affect the way we communicate. In fact, the very opposite is true: the way we communicate has an influence on our mood.
6. The way a person treats restaurant staff reveals a lot about their character.
7. People who have a strong sense of guilt are better at understanding other people’s thoughts and feelings.
8. Men are not funnier than women: they just make more jokes, not caring whether other people like their humor or not.
9. Shy people talk little about themselves, but they do this in a way that makes other people feel that they know them very well.
10. Women have twice as many pain receptors on their bodies than men, but they have a much higher pain tolerance.
11. Listening to high-frequency music makes you feel calm, relaxed, and happy.
12. If you can’t stop your stream of thoughts at night, get up and write them down. This will set your mind at ease so you can sleep.
13. Good morning and good night text messages activate the part of the brain responsible for happiness.
14. Doing things that scare you will make you happier.
15. The average amount of time a woman can keep a secret is 47 hours and 15 minutes.
16. People who try to keep everyone happy often end up feeling the loneliest.
17. The happier we are, the less sleep we require.
18. When you hold the hand of a loved one, you feel pain less keenly and worry less.
19. Intelligent people tend to have less friends than the average person. The smarter the person is, the more selective they become.
20. Marrying your best friend eliminates the risk of divorce by over 70%, and this marriage is more likely to last a lifetime.
21. Women who have mostly male friends stay in a good mood more often.
22. People who speak two languages may unconsciously shift their personalities when they switch from one language to another.
23. Being alone for a long time is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
24. Travel boosts brain health and also decreases a person’s risk of heart attack and depression.
25. People look more attractive when they speak about the things they are really interested in.
26. When two persons talk to each other and one of them turns       their feet         slightly away or repeatedly moves one foot in an outward direction, this is a strong sign of disagreement, and they want to leave.

-STREET SMART-

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS WHEN DEALING WITH POLICE

This document tells you what your rights are when you’re dealing with police on the streets in NSW.

If you think the police are not respecting your rights, you should speak to a lawyer or make a complaint. If you are in trouble with police, tell them you want to call the Legal Aid Youth Hotline on 1800 10 18 10 before doing an interview with them or giving them a statement.

What if police approach me?

Always find out why the police want to talk to you. Police can’t take you anywhere unless they arrest you or you agree to go.

If police arrest you, they must tell you:

• that you are under arrest why you are being arrested their name and place of duty
• If the police do not tell you their name and place of duty at the time of the arrest – you should ask them for it.
• If you struggle with or run from the police once they have arrested you, you risk being charged with resist arrest or escape lawful custody.

In public places, on the streets, at the shopping centre, etc.: 

You have a right to hang out where you like in a public place, with anyone you like, as long as you’re not harming other people or damaging property.

If you are in a public place, police can only move you if they reasonably suspect you are:

• obstructing people or traffic
• harassing or intimidating people or causing them fear
• obtaining or supplying illegal drugs. intoxicated (drunk) in a public place and are misbehaving in a disorderly manner or posing a risk to public safety or property.

A move on direction for being intoxicated can be for up to 6 hours. If you are found to be intoxicated in the place where the direction was given, or any other public place during the period of the direction, you can be guilty of an offence.

A shopping centre is not a public place but is private property.

You can be directed to leave or even be banned by a security guard.

You have the right to know:

why police are giving you a direction and

what the direction requires you to do, or not do.

If police make a direction, you can simply agree to it, and avoid more hassles.

Remember, it is an offence not to obey a lawful police direction.

If you think the direction is unfair, be sensible and stay calm.

Don’t swear or use violence - if you do, police may arrest you and charge you.

If you believe police have acted unfairly, you can make a complaint.

What if the police ask for identification?

If police ask you for identification, generally you don’t have to give them your details – however, it is usually a good idea to do so.

Not using your real name however can cause problems. In fact, sometimes it may be a real advantage to provide your real name, for example, when you are trying to get bail.

You MUST give your name to police if they request it when you are:

• driving a car
• involved in a car accident
• the driver/owner/passenger of a motor vehicle suspected of being involved in a serious crime.
• under 18 and drinking alcohol in a public place
• reasonably suspected of witnessing a serious crime
• on public transport; or
• suspected of being a defendant in an Apprehended Violence Order

Police interviews and questioning

You do not have to answer police questions even if they:

ask you to go to the station, question you on the spot, or arrest you.

If police ask you to go to the police station to answer questions, you don’t have to go unless you are arrested.

Police must tell you that you don’t need to answer their questions. Always get legal advice before taking part in a police interview or giving a formal statement.

You can ask to call the Legal Aid Youth Hotline on 1800 10 18 10 (free call).

Open 9 am to midnight weekdays and

24 hours Friday to Sunday and public holidays.

If you are under 14, a parent or guardian should be present for police questioning. Otherwise a parent or guardian can give permission for another independent adult to be there.

If you are 14 to 17 years old, and police want to question you, they need your agreement on which independent adult should be present during the interview.

Make sure it is someone you trust but remember that anything you say to your support person is not confidential. This means you should not discuss the

offence with them including what you did or did not do.

If you are uncertain about this, do not agree to that person and ask for someone else.

The independent adult cannot be a police officer.

The independent adult might be a lawyer, family member, youth worker, or a friend who is 18 or older.

Ask to call the Legal Aid Youth Hotline on 1800 10 18 10 before the interview.

Searches

Police must base their searches on “reasonable suspicion”.

Police should tell you why they want to search you. If they don’t, make sure you ask.  You should ask for the officer’s name and what police station they are from. The police can ask your consent to be searched. You can say no to this. If the police say they want to search you, you should find out whether they are asking you for your consent or whether they are telling you that you are going to be searched.

Police can stop, search and detain you if they believe you are carrying stolen or illegally obtained items things police believe may be used illegally (eg. tools that can be used to break into houses) or drugs, knives or weapons.

Searches for drugs, stolen items, other things obtained illegally, or things police believe may be used for crime.

Police can pat you down, look in your pockets and bags and search your car. They can also ask you to open your mouth and move or shake out your hair.

Police are not allowed to strip search you in public.

If you refuse to be searched, the police may arrest you and use force to search you. Ask for someone to be present during the search.

It helps if there is someone around to witness your contact with the police. If police use excessive force in searching you, the witness will be able to say what happened.

Searches for knives and weapons

Police can use a metal detector, pat you down and look in your pockets and bags.

It is illegal during an ordinary or ‘frisk’ search for police to ask you to take off your clothes (except your outer clothing) or to look inside your underwear.

Before conducting a search Police must:

show you their police ID if they are not in uniform

give their name and station

tell you why they are searching you

warn you that if you don’t let them search, you’ll be committing an offence.

If you refuse to be searched, you can be fined or ordered to appear at court.

It is more than likely police will search you anyway and they may use reasonable force to do so.

Strip searches

Strip searches are a major invasion of your privacy.

Police can strip search you after you are arrested, but only if they have reason to suspect you are:

hiding important evidence of a crime hiding something dangerous or

hiding drugs or weapons.

When police conduct a strip search, they can ask you to take off all your clothes.

Police should tell you why you are being strip searched.

If you are female you should be searched by a female officer. If you are male you should be searched by a male officer.

Police are not allowed to touch your body during a search.

Police are not allowed to search inside your body. If this happens, you should make a complaint straight away.

You should be strip searched in a private place.

Let your lawyer know about any strip searches. If you don’t have a lawyer contact our Legal Aid Youth Hotline on 1800 10 18 10.

Remember— a strip search is an invasion of your privacy.

It is a power which police must exercise very carefully and responsibly.

Searches by sniffer dogs

In NSW, police can use sniffer dogs to search people for illegal drugs at pubs and clubs that serve alcohol, at sporting events, concerts and parades, and on public transport.

Police do not need a warrant to do these searches. Police can also use sniffer dogs to search people who they reasonably suspect of committing drug offences without a warrant.

But if police want to use sniffer dogs to do general searches for illegal drugs at public places other than those mentioned above, they do need a warrant.

Police must take all reasonable precautions to prevent sniffer dogs from touching the people they search.

If you have any concerns or questions about the use of police sniffer dogs you should contact the Legal Aid Youth Hotline on 1800 10 18 10.

Complaints About Searches

If you believe police haven’t used their search powers properly, you can make a complaint.

Identification line-ups

An identification parade (line up) is where police stand you in a line with other people who look like you and a witness points out who they say is the offender. You should not agree to an identification line up before seeking legal advice or contacting the Legal Aid Youth Hotline on 1800 10 18 10.

Fines 

Police can issue on-the-spot fines (called penalty notices or infringement notices) for some types of offences. Examples include carrying knives, disobeying move-on directions, railway offences, and bicycle and traffic offences.

You normally get 21 days to pay the fine. If you do not pay the fine in that time, you will receive a Penalty Reminder Notice. You then have another 28 days to pay.

If you don’t pay the fine by this time, State Debt Recovery (SDR) can make an enforcement order and add fees to your fine.

If you need time to pay, but don’t want to go to court, you can ask SDR to enforce the fine early and you can ask SDR to waive the enforcement fee. You can then pay by instalments.

You can apply for an Internal Review of the fine.

If you think the fine is unfair, you were homeless, (including couch surfing), have issues with alcohol or drugs, are experiencing financial hardship, or mental health issues, have an intellectual or cognitive disability or there were exceptional circumstances, you can ask for a review of the fine.

If the review is successful, SDR will withdraw the fine and you won’t have to pay.

If you elect to go to court, you cannot then ask for a review. You can get help from Legal Aid to ask for a review –

call the Legal Aid Youth Hotline on 1800 10 18 10.

If you want to go to court...

If you receive a fine and you think you are not guilty of the offence, you can choose to take the matter to court.

The court might reduce the fine, get rid of it completely, or give you time to pay by instalments.

On the back of the piece of paper with the fine (infringement notice), you need to fill in your name and address and then mail the notice to SDR. If you do not have a form, you can ask SDR for one. Once this is done, you will get a letter telling you which court to go to. You must attend court on that day.

Legal Aid can provide a lawyer to represent you at court for all matters except for driving matters where you are over 16.

Do not ignore a fine.

You can arrange time to pay with SDR, but if you don’t, SDR can enforce the fine through Community Service, property seizure by the Sheriff, garnishing (taking) money from your bank account, licence suspension and even gaol (if you breach your community service). You cannot be sent to gaol for fines if you were under 18 at the time of the offence and received notice of the fine by the time you were 21.

If the fine is for a traffic offence, SDR will contact Roads and Maritime Services (RMS). The RMS can suspend or cancel your licence and stop you applying for one, unless you were under 18 at the time of the offence. You won’t be able to get your licence until the fines are paid in full or you make a special arrangement with SDR.

Ways to clear your fines

In some circumstances, you can apply to SDR for a Work and Development Order (WDO). You can work off up to $1000 per month on a WDO by doing one, or a combination of the following:

• unpaid work
• receive medical/mental health treatment participate in education/courses
• attend counselling
• get drug/alcohol treatment; or
• be involved in a mentoring program.

Your application must be supported by an approved organisation and you can speak to Legal Aid about helping you find one, or you can search online at www.sdro.nsw.gov.au.

Photos, Fingerprints and DNA

If you are over 14 and you have been charged with a criminal offence, the police can take your fingerprints or a photograph of your face while you are in custody but only if this is necessary to work out your identity. If you are under 14, police need to apply for a court order to do this.

If police want to take your fingerprints or photograph and you are not in police custody, they must apply for a court order if you are under 18.

Police must also apply to a court if they want to take a sample of your DNA. This is usually done by asking for a hair sample or a saliva sample. Saliva samples are collected by swabbing the inside of the cheek.

Police can only apply for an order to take your fingerprints, photo or DNA if they suspect you of committing a crime or have charged you already.

If you are summonsed to court about a police application to take a sample from you, you should see the duty solicitor at court who will give you legal advice and represent you.

If the court orders you to give a sample, you must go to the police station by the date you are given. If you don’t go, the police can use “reasonable force” to get the sample.

If you are 18 or over, different rules apply to you even if the offence being investigated happened when you were a child. You should get legal advice if the police ask you for a sample.

Security guards

Security guards have no more powers than ordinary citizens. They have no power to search or question you.

A security guard cannot:

• search you unless you agree (even when it is a condition of entry to a shop, etc)
• arrest you unless they see you commit a crime
• detain you unless they see you commit a crime
• force you to sign anything
• force you to go anywhere unless they are detaining you until police arrive
• force you to be photographed or use excessive force.

In some places, especially shopping centres, a security guard might ban you from coming in. They do this by giving you a “Termination of Licence” notice.

If you get one of these notices it means you cannot enter that shopping centre until the notice expires, and if you do, you can be charged with trespassing.

Usually, you would be asked to sign it.

You cannot be forced to sign it. You should get legal advice.

If you want to complain about a security guard’s behaviour or about being banned by the shopping centre call the Legal Aid Youth Hotline on 1800 10 18 10 and speak to a lawyer.

Ticket Inspectors

These are officers employed by Transport NSW who patrol trains, stations, ferries and buses.

They used to be called transit officers and are often called Revenue Protection Officers. They are NOT police. They are in uniform and have to carry identification which you are allowed to ask to see.

They have more powers than security guards, but less powers than police.

They can:

Ask to see your ticket while you are on a train, bus, ferry, or on a ferry wharf, beyond the ticket gates in a paid area of a station, or just after leaving it.

Ask for your name and address IF they reasonably suspect that you have committed an offence

Tell you to leave a station or get off a bus if you are committing an offence or causing a nuisance, and tell you you’re not allowed to return for two hours.

They can fine you:

if you don’t have a ticket.

for other offences, like smoking on a train platform, putting your feet on the seat, or drinking alcohol on a train.

if you don’t give them your name or address, or if you give them a false name or address, but only if they reasonably suspect that you have committed an offence

They can’t arrest you or stop you from leaving, unless they see you committing an offence.

There are also police officers who patrol public transport, and these police officers have all the powers of normal police.

How do I make a complaint?

We know it’s hard to make a complaint, but it means an independent person will hear your story.

If you’re having trouble with it, get help from a youth worker at your local youth centre or council, or an adult you trust, or a children’s lawyer at a community legal centre. When you make a complaint about a police officer, be sure to include as much information as possible:

• your name
• your phone number your address
• where you were when you say the police treated you badly
• what time it was
• the names or badge numbers of
• the police involved or a description of what they look like
• the station that they were from what happened
• names of any witnesses and sign it and put the date on it.

If you don’t have all the information, just include what you do know. Even if you’re not sure about some things, call the NSW Ombudsman’s Office to discuss it.

Make the complaint as soon as possible after the incident. Send your complaint to:

NSW Ombudsman’s Office

Level 24, 580 George Street, Sydney 2000

Tel: 9286 1000

Free call: 1800 451 524 (country areas) Email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Always ask to speak to a lawyer before you talk to police. Call 1800 10 18 10.

This publication is intended as a general guide to the law. It should not be relied on as legal advice and it is recommended that you talk to a lawyer about your particular situation.

At the time of printing, the information shown is correct but may be subject to change.

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