It was extremely cold and terrifying. I didn't want to sleep. You have all these thoughts coming through your head.
"Are there people around? Am I safe?"
Then there are the physical issues — it's uncomfortable, freezing, unsafe, and it's not sheltered, leaving you unprotected and vulnerable.
How I got there
It started when I was in year nine. My mother was suffering from mental illness, which meant I could not live at home. I moved in with my uncle and aunt, and I stayed with them for two years until they thought my mum was well enough to look after me, which she was not.
No-one else could see that.
I was homeless for just under a year, as I was trying to do my HSC.
The very first night I stayed at the headlands, other times I slept in a park or at school, and later on, on friends' couches.
I pretty much had my school backpack with my school uniform, a spare shirt, a jumper, and a pen.
It was hard to come out to my friends and say "I currently don't have a roof over my head". At first I denied it. I'd say "I had a rough night, I didn't sleep, everything's fine, I was just in a rush."
Looking back, I know it was silly I didn't tell anyone. Of course there are people out there who want to help, and if I had said something earlier I would have received help sooner, but I had this sense of pride, and told myself: "I'm fine, I can do this, I'm strong. I don't need help anyone else".
It's about stigma
Stigma is such a killer because it stops people from reaching for help. It's literally killing so many people.
There were definitely times I lost hope.
I battled with depression and anxiety through those times, which just amplified how hopeless I felt.
I constantly asked myself, "How did I get here?" and thought "Obviously I can't be worth much if I'm in this position".
Looking back, I know now that's not true, but it's how I felt at the time and I'm sure a lot of people have.
Support services
There were a few teachers who would try to speak to me about their suspicions, but at I would brush it off because I was still denying the matter and I wasn't ready to accept help.
I told my science teacher, she took me to the school counsellor who helped me accept that it was OK to ask for help. I then went to my favourite office lady, who was very supportive and connected me with headspace.
Headspace was amazing and could even drive me to and from appointments. It was through headspace that a youth worker connected me with the Jetty Bunker Youth Refuge.
Not once did I find a worker there who wasn't there for the kids. Every single worker in that place was so youth-focused and just wanted to get you on the right track and ready for the real world.
Just to have all that support, and to know someone cared, that's what motivated me to realise I had to get out of this situation.
I stayed at the refuge for three months and was lucky to get into youth housing, which put my name on a lease, making it easier when my lease was up, to get accepted into another place. The owner was so proud of my aspirations and achievements, she offered to change the lease to two years instead of one as she knew I had my heart set on going to university the following year, before I got my own house with a proper real estate.
Fixing homelessness
I believe prevention is the key to ending youth homelessness.
We need to be educating high school students and late primary school students with exactly who you can go to, who is available, and how you can access them.
Where I am today
I'm currently studying in my third year of early childhood and primary teaching.
To be honest, I don't think about those days very often, I tend to put it at the back of my mind. Sometimes I have a really hard week at uni questioning why I'm even here and whether I should quit. Then I think back to everything I've been through and realise I've come this far, why stop now?
If I quit now then everything I've been through would be for nothing.
I'd love to be somewhere rural teaching primary school children, instilling those kids with the best education that I can. They are our future leaders after all, so we need to teach them well.
